Hyperbolic Bipolar Delusional Paranoia.

I was sitting in a field, a very vast field, there was nothing growing except grass. It was all dark as if back clouds had descended to meet the birds. I was sat on the side of a broken path, hedges to both sides. The path was as wide as any city road. The hedges were black, menacing, calling you to leave. Anyways, I thought the best thing at this time would be to whip out my phone and take a few pictures. So there I am sat on the right side of this crooked pathway looking through the screen of my phone trying to figure out what angle to capture when I happen to touch the top left corner of the screen of the phone with my thumb. Behold! the thing caught fire. Not the phone, that would have been common, the hedge that I was looking at through the screen and which was physically behind me. I saw the hedge burning for a few seconds and I realised that the actual hedge was burning. I turned around and tried to blow away the flames. I got to them in a couple of tries. Intrigued as I was at this strange happening I touched the screen of the phone deliberately to see what happens. Would you believe it! The bush caught fire again. I tried getting this one to go out but it was resilient. It would almost go out and then come back again. It was at this point I realised that the hedges were not in fact made of shrubbery but of thick barbed steel wire. I called their bluff. I was having none of this poignant malarkey! On my incessant demands a puppy with glowing red Terminator eyes materialised from the wire hedge and coincidentally a rabbit from the other side of the hedge. I must admit it was frightening when they were both flying straight at me but I kept my cool. They were at each others neck. I had to hold them just so they wouldn't tear each others limbs apart and yet they were doing so. I got distracted, perhaps mother was calling me..

Hey there :)

Hello xxxxx!

I'm finally on my laptop! my birthday wasn't as epic as I had anticipated. I assumed
that my friends would bring me cake, throw me a big party, invite a troupe of
elephants and half a dozen monkeys and we'd all have a great time which we'll tell
our grandkids about.
I ended up taking them for ice cream and cake. One of them caught flu, he says it
was because the ice cream was too cold.

Everything is white, I so wanted to ditch work tonight and go sledging. Two
problems though, work people wouldn't let me take a day off because someone else
had packed it in before me and I haven't seen an adult size sledge around lately. the
latter thwarted my plans really. so I decided to fall down the steps in front of my
house just to experience the sensation really. the steps remained unharmed. dunno
about my bum, it's still unconscious.

you take care and I'll hopefully catch you later :)

Just like a star.

Christmas is almost here but I still can't smell cinnamon! things are good and things are bad. Then there is this. I have been in a dream like state all day today listening to Corinne Bailey Rae - Like A Star and although the snow has cleared up I still feel like wafts of condensed breath escape my mouth as I breathe and everything is merry. Reality is strange, delusional even.

"last night i had a dream that i was running through a hotel of circular floor plan. and everyone know i was running away. and then i wound round and round through doors, auditoriums, cafes and restaurants, through rooms and cupboards. the hotel was golden and red, quite vintage, till i reached a circular staircase going two stories down, made of oak. i ran and jumped down, walked out woke up. and sat there in a cafe with a two females and a man and told them how when you write your dream down it is easy to remember it. then i realised i was still dreaming but. it did feel strange to be conscious of a dream while in it. the coffee was good though.
"

I emailed this to a friend a few days back, true story. I guess I miss somethings from my past but that's what you get for running away without a plan. Do it if you get a chance though :)

I must crack on, I must push and I must realise the importance of every individual. I need to watch the documentary on Jesse Jackson on BBC, it was on this morning and I think Fern Britton was doing it. It made sense in many places. We all are standing lean against the gushing storm, some of us are just too afraid to open our eyes and fight...

are you there?

and the Hallowed crescent lingers on the horizon. I don't want the world to read what I write. Not because I'm afraid but because I don't think that they'll understand.

Congratulations on getting here!!

I know you deserve some accolade for making it here. Go on... give me a hug :) I know I need it.

Today is the day.

10/10/10 = 101010 = 42 = the answer to life, the universe and everything.

101010 in base 2 is 42 in base 10 and 42 is the answer. Hence today is the answer :) Douglas Adams would have been proud. So I shall be looking for the answer today!

optimism

if the sun shines it does not mean it is a nice day. somewhere something is burning

i'm fed up of all this purple talk of optimism. my sarcasm is too soft. if there is a baby being born somewhere all the time then so is someone dying. and also someone is being mutilated, killed or being stripped of their rights of being human. what does this tell us about the human condition and infact ourselves our righteously sought optimism? skepticism, that is the only way. and of course sarcasm.

It does not get any better than this. At least not in this universe. I have 7 white hairs sticking out of my goatee. I will die soon. We all will but me sooner relative to now. I should get a patent on my goatee now, its been pretty much the same since.. well since algorithm at least.

a new day dawns.. well not technically. its just close to midnight so the dates change but its pretty much the same day in whatever state of mind you are. why don't I surrender? wish i knew that. plod on till then

yeahhhh... well..

Well hello there!
This was a bit painful, getting started on the mobile. There was an option to do it from mobiles but he says it will make me a new mobile blog. Which sounded cumbersome and uncomfortable so I decided otherwise.
But do you know what, I've decided I'm gonna go for it! after I'm done here, of course.
Kylie minogue was on telly tonite, sounded fun.
To the point now. I imagine myself doing a lot of stuff and that is probably my problem, too much imagination. Lenon would be proud :)

So just when you thought it couldn't get any worse, you were at the bottom of the barrel.. you found your self a hole and dropped further down. You twat!
This is not a dress rehearsal mate, this is the real thing, this is life. and its quietly passing you by. While you sit there on your dreary arse pretending to be a figment of your imagination. It's all grandiose when you play it out in your head, but when push comes to shove you sit there like a twat with your Dick in your hands.
I wish I could tell you that its time to take the game up a notch that its time to really get in there and take on the world. Nothing could be farther from the truth. The best and plausible course of action is to stay steady. Simple. Put your head down, make the things you have work for you. Live, with your eyes open. Embrace who you are. Stay steady and make your own breaks. Plan for them. Make it happen, time and effort not blood and sweat. Save them for later, when you can do something with them. Do good, one small thing at a time. Make your river by adding a drop at a time and when you have enough momentum, then go for it, burst the dams and reclaim what you want. But that time is not now. Now is the time when you draw the lines, when you stick to it and keep going.

DISCIPLINE, a word thrown around by institutionalists, is one of the shaping forces of life. It can come in any capacity and in a myriad of containers but you need to have a steady stream of it. There is no other way my friend. I wish I could pat you on the back, get you out and make everything better but that's not how it works. YOU have to stick in there. Keep going. Steady.
If you're going through hell, keep going. You are stood still waiting for a knight in chink. Dude, that's not your story. Steps taken forwards but sleep walking back again.

Keep the dream alive. Don't let the wonder go. Dream big.

{High hopes - pink floyd}

One sided txts

and then I had this weird and wonderful idea of documenting all the text messages I sent to her. But only the ones I sent, making it a one sided conversation, calling in all the collective web to fill in the other half. So technically it is all my intellectual property, the emotions are mine but I want You to reply this time.

How will it work though?

"Your sword 's grown old and rusty burnt beneath the rising sun, its locked up like a trophy forgetting all the things its done."

I have been plagiarising a lot lately, without giving any credit. The lyrics are from vampire weekend which Paul thought to be 'vampire weakened' when I first told him about the band. Nice thought that is. The last passage was from Paulo Coehlo's collection of short stories. Its quite a good read, in small and digestible packages. Had karelas yesterday, they were a bit tough, might just have pulled a number on my digestive system.

Listening to coke studio. its been alrite so far. the best bit was arif lohar's. probably because it was very provocative and blasphemous(ish) and partly cause a friend said she didn't like the heavily lipsticked, stuck up vixen at the mic. Karavan was good. Would like to hear more of them.

Life is a lonely battle these days. Trying to fight mediocrity and 'tunnel vision syndrome of thought' (in my head) and there in lies the problem, You see my head is not a very vast expanse thse days. dunno what has taken up all the space. Nor is it susceptible to a lot of patience. Its all gone pete tong to be honest. Need to swing back into action. I'm probably looking for that little encouragement or one little push but in my head I know that is not what I want. All I want is a sugar free ice cream and a pair of sunglasses.

What is on the other side of this road? I will get back to you with results. It might be long before I have them and I will probably be doing a lot of stuff in the mean time, but that you see my friend is the very essence of life. Perhaps I stand corrected when I look at the clouds, this is life..

Porcelain Problem

A problem is a problem. It could be a very rare porcelain vase, a delightful love affair that no longer makes any sense, or a course of action that we should abandon but which we insist on continuing because it brings us comfort.

There is only one way to deal with a problem: attack it head on. At such moments, one cannot feel pity nor be diverted by the fascination inherent in any conflict.

The problem with my coffee

The problem with my coffee is that it has too little milk and too much hope. But this can easily be fixed, all you need is a cow. Why are most ideas so short lived? perhaps because on the grand time line they can not find themselves. The insignificance of our time in this world's time is ridiculous. It is as if we never set foot here.

Yet every moment that we live lasts for an eternity.

I want to stick my tongue out to the world and hold up two fingers but not the middle or ring :p

ostentatious adolescent displays

Here I am again, sitting in the first floor silent room in the library, next to a window that is showcasing grey ominous clouds above and beyond the horizon of Leeds. It is quite good actually but a tad bit cold for me. What i'd love to do right now is cross my arms on the table and put my head down and go out for a few hours. Ah the simple joys of life. Life is not complicated though its just too much work without much gain.

I should keep my rosary with me. I've never kept it with me, it looks good and i'm sure it'll feel good to have it on me. My intentions for doing so are still muddled, you see there might be a slight religious inclination but then the things my mind wants makes it all trivial.

A draft just blew, it was cold. Why is it grey in the middle of may? I want to live in the world of Zamyatin. I really don't know how it would be but the whispers there would really be louder than shouts.

Got sidetracked there for a bit. Not here on the blog, but in real life. I think i'm still going pretty much in a straight line here. By the way you should also listen to "Martha's dream" by Nick Cave and Warren Ellis, very haunting but true. How would it feel to head but a Bengal tiger and then run away.

The last two posts were from the past, not very distant yet an eternity away now. My memories are never linear, they exist in a jumbled 4-dimension world of their own. It definitely is chilly today.

As for the rest of you folk there will be another post later that will be from the past. and No, I can't find my past without knowing my future. adios.

Shadow of snow

Realtors and mini hot dogs and fun fairs and tales of love, hate and friendship all played out on the new and improved google nexus one.

What a wonderful world we are building, devoid of effort and patience, cemented with instant gratification and hollow promises of satisfaction.

Everyone wants to be happy but no one wants to do stuff that makes them happy. We are all running in the pursuit of plastic barbie doll happiness and 4 quasi beliefs.

Oh! and mine's better than yours and much more correct too (in my mind)!

Mondays are moody and this one is depressing . I want to loose some stuff and not find it again. So much for putting my face in someone's arms and crying cause she can never be your woman.

When I saw my reflection yesterday it was playing in snow with other children.

Do you ever wonder

Do you ever wonder what it is all about?

You get up in the morning and think what is it all about?

All your life you try to earn money and then you die, there must be something more to this life!

And you see, there is an answer to all that but when you know it you won't be here!!

Too many shallow people in this world.

{listen to "The devil made me do it BY Thunder"}

Aha! we do get hormonal once a month. Just before the crown reaches its peak moon. but the timing is random at best. and i'd invite you to come and check but I don't know what to look for.

Yes!

Yes! people have observed this phenomenon in the past, however most usually attribute it to my malfunctioning brain. It might have to do something with some rancid milk I drank last night. I didn't know it was rancid, she was just very old.