It's a new day

February 27, 2011

Sunday

It's a new day! 

Nina Simone sang it and then Will I Am sang it. Both songs are different but the condition is not so far away. I am rapidly losing interest in chuck too. And life is about to turn a corner, there's not much time left. 

South Shields, seems like an inquiring place

February 16, 2011

Wednesday

South Shields, seems like an inquiring place. But perhaps people seem to think otherwise. I'm in new castle in south shields in fact, it's near tyneside. How many rivers are there ib england anyways? I'm at shani bhai's new house with his friend and faisal bhai. Its not bad but second hand smoke sux.  I'm too tired to sleep. But its been fun. Who is a savant and when will we stop blaming things and people and places and events for our mistakes. 'Personality', thats the new key word ;)
We despise facts and people with facts and the divine revelations and put our trust in the hands of those who beget crap

Today was not that bad

February 8, 2011

Tuesday

Today was not that bad. I woke up with a resolve, well sort of. Then I had breakfast. All of my aalo ki bhaji was gone so I ate anday with kal ki roti. Pretty uneventful daytime activities. Then I shaved and bathed, got to work. talked to mom and baba and apa and made mama an email address, which was good. She was a bit quick with everything. I still haven't figured out why. Salman recommended James Blake, the runner up of BBC's sound of 2011, and totally redeemed himself :) been alright after that. Had dinner and saw a bit of the oxford course. I think if I keep revisiting it ultimately my resolve will be strong enough that I can go for the course. In the meantime I need to talk to Ramesh about shift swaps and holidays. And if I do get off for the 12th and 13th I will definitely go for the oxford course. MS dynamics AX certifications cost next to nothing and should be relatively easy.  

An interesting discourse during the day was when I pondered over free will. How we as humans have a choice in the same measure of believing in a higher authority or siding with the atheists. Both arguments are valid and with pretty much the same weight in arguments. Hence the free will. 

Add nine zeroes to it

Sober, promiscuous and fully dressed. 

Travel

Chris Guillebeau seems like an interesting dude.
I did not know you could buy a Round The World ticket!
Everybody's hacking everything these days.

I am not in the mood to write. I am not in the mood to do much else either, just wilt and die. Thoughts of death have been transient the past few days. Meaning is something that I fail to understand. Right now, there is nothing that would provide solace, only more wallowing decrees of extermination. Doctor Who used to be clever, now he's just a brute. There is no permanence, there is no loyalty, there is no sea of endless happiness at the end of our struggles. All our models for life are biased, tainted and highly irrelevant to reality. Still, I can not break free!

I need a plan. A plan for a month, a quarter an year, five years. Teach, do Dynamics, go to England, travel, construct scaffolding for the next generation. Is it fair?

Don't get too close

Don't get too close, it's dark inside, that's where my deamons hide. This is a good song by Imagine Dragons. That is quite an inspired name for a band. I feel utterly crap. A lot of feelings have found way through the anxiety and constant depression. That combined with the fear of constantly having to look over my back has led to a meltdown of sorts. I do not fully comprehend why I have to constantly look over my shoulder and why I can't seem to find any solace. There is a burning feeling inside my chest and not one filled with desire. It is slowly and constantly eating away at my insides.
Times have changed and I thought things would be better. They are different but not in the quadrant I'd like them to be in. Soon there will be change, until then lava flows through my veins. I am on a campaign to burn down everything in my way, culminating in self immolation. And then she goes away for stretches of time without a cause. That further fuels the immense longing. This does not seem like companionship. At least not like the ones Doctor Who has. Only if I could tell her everything without fear of repercussion and hurting her feelings. I do want to tell her everything, scar my insides and lay bare my secrets. An unknown fear engulfs my being. I can blame all I want, the unequivocal responsibility lies with me. 

Delayed.

The coconut conundrum and stories of such sort.

Happiness shot like a bullet through my heart.

February is a very good month to be in a cold country, the crisp sunshine is refreshing for the soul.

Sometimes I daydream about music video while listening to songs. I have seen very few music videos.

What defines a best friend? If I can't explain what traits qualify one to be a best friend does it mean I am incapable to have one?

Time to prove my mettle ..