You're still the same

Life is tough!
especially when you have to live with a loud mouth, arrogant son of a bitch who thinks he is everyones father. Sometimes life throws shit at you in amounts surpassing the seeds of a pomegranate.
The good thing about leaving behind everything and going to someplace new is that you get to start all over again, the downside being that you have to start all over again, from scratch!
And when you take a new start and get the same shit, it swells you up with an undeniable sense of pride that no matter where you go or what turn you take in life.. you're still the same!

Ramblings of a Lunatic

If only... God would deliver me to my purpouse, If only I were created with a greater meaning in life. If only I knew the answers. I feel like a broken compass reeling in all directions, spinning round and round and round. Never unbeaten, ever unbowed. Life is like a thrash of metal limbs. A shrill noise continiously pierces through the calm of the night making the moon look blurry. Making me feel somber. My hand is aching, my mind is racing. There is no harmony among the two. What is written is an amalgam of truth and imagination. I did not expect to find something so REAL, so tangible never thought I might ever be able to touch. Maybe I underestimate myself too much or maybe I take too much undue pride in myself. Whatever the cause, the effect remains the same, I have yet again failed to deliver. As I feel I will on numerous other occasions. I think I have the gift, I've always showed the signs but only God knows what I'm waiting for? Will I ever get the answers I'm looking for will my destiny ever walk through my door. DESTINY - a sense of purpouse, a meaning to life.
I wasn't expecting something so real, so earthly. My mistake, undoubtedly! I never thought this was for real. Now, pay the price, be it for good or bad. The smoke doesn't soothe me the way it used to. The air I breathe is growing tighter. The road ahead of me lies in darkness. Subtle sense of deprivation, or a sense of not belonging - the termite thats been eating me forever. I know I'll never fit in, I'll never bear the fruit of the tree that bore me. Wierd, different, outcast!
Lord! Show me the answers, or atleast give me strength enough to find them on my own -Amen.
Was this even the right thing to pray for?
Life's options are not like a candy stall, "Son, there's no jelly bear today, why don't you have some
eclairs?" I dont like jelly! A person at my age should have a clear understanding of what they want in life. Even If for only a brief period, even If you can't make it there! It is important to at least KNOW. Day after day, I lead this life of unblissful ignorance. I realise that the sands of time are
eluding me but that is as far as I go. I realise, in some dark and banal corner of the mind. I know not, you know not and indeed we can not change that which we know not about!
Is this the way my life is supposed to go on. I HOPE not! because hope is the one last Virtue that even the most morbid of sinners can bank on for deliverance.